You know, it's amazing how a couple of hours can change your mood or activities for a week. When my grandma died I felt numb to the pain I should have been feeling. Even today, when in a couple of weeks it will be a year since her death, the fact she is gone has not quite hit me.

Finding out about Don, Ed, Roy, and Eric was a complete shock, but then, death is. No one plans to lose a new friend or an old lover. When I addressed my mother about the funerals and the feelings I was having, she seemed heartless, as if she couldn't possibly understand. I think the expression on my face took her by surprise. She had look at the sitituation as me not being close to these men. She had forgotten that I had spent the last six months watching these men walk around work, smiling, laughling, and picking on me. It doesn't take a lifetime to leave an impression on someone, but only a second.

I'll remember the first time I met Dan. I couldn't figure out if Dan was Dan or the guy next to him.

I will always remember Ed in his chair, smiling as everyone picked on me.

Roy, I will remember seeing him everytime I turned around.

And then there is Eric, my Twidle Dee, my favorite. I will remember him always playing the circle game and getting me 4 out of 5 times, he still owes 6. I will never forget how he and Sean, my Twidle Dumb, convinced me that I could take the balls from the ball bearings home and play marbles with them.

The easiest thing for me to do is to think of my favorite memories constantly, and never to let go of my memories. These memories may bring pain, but later, they will make me and help me to smile on the short period of time I had with these men.

Eric, Roy, Ed, and Dan you will be missed dearly and forever loved. May you forever rest in peace.

Love Always,